Akito HirataI can’t afford to scratch myself.
February 24th 2008 01:10
“It’s not my fault he can only wink. I can’t approve a personal loan over the phone without speaking to him.”
When you hear a saying like, ‘I can’t afford to scratch myself,’ do you ever think of who said it first? I do. I want to know the etymology of the phrase itself.
‘I can’t afford to scratch myself’ conjures up visions of someone so poor they can’t afford fingernails. (Or of that poor person in the Monty Python train-travel skit who was so poor he grew up in a shoebox in a swamp, and his father cut him up with a knife each morning).
It also makes me think of how absurd the concepts behind such sayings are, when you take them literally and/or visualise the concept. (Call it amusement. I do).
To the best of my knowledge, it costs nothing to scratch yourself. I do it all the time, and I’ve never had to pay for what I consider an absolute privilege. You get what you pay for? (Don’t’ get me started on that saying).
I can understand and accept that a person without arms or legs, and a non-flexible neck would say, ‘I can’t scratch myself.’ That makes sense. Sort of.
But that’s totally different to saying I can’t ‘afford’ to scratch myself’. A head, neck and torso can still scratch his/her mouth with his/her teeth for free. (I know this for a fact because I just pretended I was a torso with an inflexible neck and head on top, and just scratched my mouth with my teeth).
Is that what you winked?
Perhaps the only person I’d believe couldn’t scratch him/herself is Jean Dominique Bauby, who dictated ‘The Diving Bell and the Butterfly’ by winking. And yet even JD was able to scratch the area just below his good eye with his good eyelash. And the inside of his good eye with his good eyelid.
Jean probably made so much money out of the book and the upcoming film, he can now afford to pay someone to scratch him all over. (Not that he didn’t make shitloads of money before he had a stroke as editor of that trashy Elle magazine). That’s if he can be bothered winking enough to dictate a message to his nurse/secretary/ghost-writer like, ‘Can you pay someone to scratch me? I can afford it now.’
Another favourite is, ‘I can’t wait.’ Yet everyone who says ‘I can’t wait’ has to wait, regardless.
I can’t wait to post this post. I can’t wait to finish writing it. But I have to. I can’t wait for the responses (mainly to see if anyone loves me). I can’t wait to respond to the responses. I can’t wait to type the full-stop at the end of this sentence. I can’t wait to read other Orble posts about nonsensical subjects.
Instead of saying, ‘I can’t wait,’ why not say, ‘I wish I wasn’t trapped in time and space so I didn’t have to wait.’ Or, ‘I’m really excited about what I have to wait for … ?’ Isn’t that closer to the truth? (Don’t get me started on sayings like ‘the truth is out there’).
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Comment by James Rickard
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Check this out...
Comment by Ann 1
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Your and my parents aside, I have to give you 11/10 for that comment. It's rendered me speechless. (Don't get me started on being blinkless, okay?).
Ann.
Comment by Harry
Sydney Diary
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Comment by Ann 1
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But my reader base will drop by 50% if you never read another one of my posts.
Thanks for the encouragement. It's appreciated.
Ann.
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
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